Like so much else, the phrase 'arranged marriage' covers a range. Most of my seven children (granted, we are part of a religious community) met their spouses when friends, neighbors, and/or relatives met someone they thought would be good for them and asked if they could make an introduction. Others met at religiously based social activities. So, their father and I didn't tell them who they should marry but we and the entire community are involved in thinking of and introducing men and women as well as vetting options so that the likelihood of meeting someone totally unsuitable is less.
Well well well. The internet, that thing that was supposed to make life better for everyone has made it worse. In some ways much worse.
Women shop for men on the internet like they shop for anything else. For a man to have a chance in that environment, he must be spectacular. Most men are not spectacular.
It happens pretty much every day now, sometimes more than once. I'll out walking the neighborhood, maybe with my dog, and encounter a woman coming down the sidewalk toward me. If she doesn't cross the street, which they do about half the time, she studiously avoids eye contact. At the moment of closest approach she looks off to the side, actively thwarting any possibility of contact while wearing an expression of annoyance, as though she had suddenly detected an unpleasant odor. She might as well be waving a sign: Do NOT approach.
I'm no troll. I'm a nice-looking guy, non-creepy, older but still capable of turning the occasional head. When I was younger I did not lack for female companions.
This is a classic case of disparate impact. For those with an edge, meaning Chads and basically any woman 4 or better, the online dating scene is a banquet. But for any male 7 or less, it's a desert.
People treat romantic interest from young men as pathological. They are criticized no matter what they do. If they don't approach women, they are criticized. If they do approach women they are criticized. Do we really expect young men to act on romantic interest then? Behavior is all about incentives and the culture is telling men to leave women alone. And that is exactly what the men are doing
Yes, feminism taken too far can backfire. Women get to be "right" about men, and they get to be alone, too (or turn to each other as an alternative). Demonizing men for being men is not constructive.
Henderson says 50% of our current crop of young men have never asked a woman out on a date. Given the normalization and moral sanctioning they receive in school for homosexuality, I wonder how many of them are having sex with each other? It's alot more than prior generations, that's for sure. I suspect both trends are connected and self-reinforcing.
The knock-on effect is no more bands. You start a band to impress girls. Gen Z got it wrong. Gen X men put on makeup on stage with a band to get women; Gen Z men put on makeup and call themselves women. I can personally vouch for the effectiveness of the “makeup to get girls” strategy.
The very beginning of courtship (body language, wordless flirting, sexual attraction itself) has become taboo. This is the phase of “limerance,” fantasy about the other. Yet as Papa Papola points out (that’s three p’s) he doesn’t want his children to have loveless lives. They have to be taught the route to marriage and it doesn’t occur without asking someone out.
It took 25 yrs to develop Romantic Dynamics, full coverage of the science behind “traditional” human courtship searchable and surfable free at https://Romantipedia.com
Like so much else, the phrase 'arranged marriage' covers a range. Most of my seven children (granted, we are part of a religious community) met their spouses when friends, neighbors, and/or relatives met someone they thought would be good for them and asked if they could make an introduction. Others met at religiously based social activities. So, their father and I didn't tell them who they should marry but we and the entire community are involved in thinking of and introducing men and women as well as vetting options so that the likelihood of meeting someone totally unsuitable is less.
Well well well. The internet, that thing that was supposed to make life better for everyone has made it worse. In some ways much worse.
Women shop for men on the internet like they shop for anything else. For a man to have a chance in that environment, he must be spectacular. Most men are not spectacular.
It happens pretty much every day now, sometimes more than once. I'll out walking the neighborhood, maybe with my dog, and encounter a woman coming down the sidewalk toward me. If she doesn't cross the street, which they do about half the time, she studiously avoids eye contact. At the moment of closest approach she looks off to the side, actively thwarting any possibility of contact while wearing an expression of annoyance, as though she had suddenly detected an unpleasant odor. She might as well be waving a sign: Do NOT approach.
I'm no troll. I'm a nice-looking guy, non-creepy, older but still capable of turning the occasional head. When I was younger I did not lack for female companions.
This is a classic case of disparate impact. For those with an edge, meaning Chads and basically any woman 4 or better, the online dating scene is a banquet. But for any male 7 or less, it's a desert.
Yet women still complain.
People treat romantic interest from young men as pathological. They are criticized no matter what they do. If they don't approach women, they are criticized. If they do approach women they are criticized. Do we really expect young men to act on romantic interest then? Behavior is all about incentives and the culture is telling men to leave women alone. And that is exactly what the men are doing
Yes, feminism taken too far can backfire. Women get to be "right" about men, and they get to be alone, too (or turn to each other as an alternative). Demonizing men for being men is not constructive.
Henderson says 50% of our current crop of young men have never asked a woman out on a date. Given the normalization and moral sanctioning they receive in school for homosexuality, I wonder how many of them are having sex with each other? It's alot more than prior generations, that's for sure. I suspect both trends are connected and self-reinforcing.
The knock-on effect is no more bands. You start a band to impress girls. Gen Z got it wrong. Gen X men put on makeup on stage with a band to get women; Gen Z men put on makeup and call themselves women. I can personally vouch for the effectiveness of the “makeup to get girls” strategy.
The very beginning of courtship (body language, wordless flirting, sexual attraction itself) has become taboo. This is the phase of “limerance,” fantasy about the other. Yet as Papa Papola points out (that’s three p’s) he doesn’t want his children to have loveless lives. They have to be taught the route to marriage and it doesn’t occur without asking someone out.
It took 25 yrs to develop Romantic Dynamics, full coverage of the science behind “traditional” human courtship searchable and surfable free at https://Romantipedia.com