Parenting Isn’t Friendship. It's Leadership.

There has been no greater honor than becoming a father and fulfilling my obligations as a parent. Being a parent is a unique, lifelong title that establishes your connection with a child.

However, for many years I've witnessed a sickness spreading amongst the laziest of parents, who constantly choose the path of least resistance when raising their children. Instead of making the right choice to occasionally tell their children what they don't want to hear, they scratch away their identity as a parent and adopt a new role as their child's “friend.”

For these parents, their priority isn't to mold the next generation with child-size life lessons. They're equally uninterested in creating realistic expectations for their children so they don't crumble under the weight of adult disappointment later on in life. They want to diminish themselves from their Godly roles as mother or father to behave as authority-less friends, abiding by the whims of unwise children.

Children don’t know what they don’t know, which is why our position as authority figures is not to act as tyrants, but as teachers of the world they've yet to understand. Becoming a child's sycophantic friend is like taking directions from a lost man; neither know where they are headed.

The parents who want to be their child's friend are not doing it for the benefit of their child. They’re taking the momentary, easy route that produces the least conflict with their child. Granting every wish a child wants does not equate to supplying them with everything that they need. A good parent knows that they must use their authority to tell a child “no” to save them from themselves. Being a child's friend is short-term gratification for parents, but a spoiled child at the age of 3 is likely to become an uncontrollable tyrant at 13 and a miserable member of society at 23. In extreme circumstances, these “friends” allow their teenage children to drink alcohol and use drugs in their homes because “at least they'll be safe” consuming poison in their presence.

However, even in these situations, what children learn is that their parents don't love them enough to tell them “no.” By being allowed to walk all over you, your children eventually interpret your passivity to discipline as indifference towards them. I love my son enough to tell him “no” when I know that a “yes” will lead him down a path of detrimental outcomes. Children can't see around the corner of consequences like mature adults can, which is why we're entrusted with the responsibility to guide them to prosperity.

You should not want to be your child's friend because that would mean abdicating your authority to dictate the direction of your child's life. Repeatedly caving in to what a small child wants will create a habitual understanding that you are not to be taken seriously as they get older. If you refuse to be an authority figure at age 3, don't be surprised when they defy your orders at age 13.

You obviously should be friendly towards your children—with an understanding that there are clear boundaries that should not be crossed. Just as there are boundaries you should respect with your boss at work or a police officer who pulls you over, you're similarly an authority figure whose role requires hierarchical differentiation in your household. Children need authority figures who they can trust with their lives. You are far more valuable to your child's success as a parent than you ever could be as a friend, even if they don't appreciate it at first.

Life is not easy and neither is parenting. But anything worth having is difficult to possess.

You are not your child's friend. They'll have a bunch of fleeting friends throughout their lives; there will only be one you.