This is gonna sound strange, so bear with me. When I was young, I overvalued being nice to people. Most people have felt this at one time or another when the realization strikes that they’re being treated poorly, used as a doormat, and have had their personal boundaries systematically violated.
I appreciate this take. I fundamentally don’t accept what’s not mine like an unsolicited offering. Critiques, feedback, non-physical attacks, and the like fall into this category.
I know this comment is late...I just discovered you. This is a profoundly important topic with serious consequences in broader context. Take for example Minneapolis. I grew up there in the 70s when there were shared cultural norms, patriotism and common morality. It was calm, safe and neighborly. The most common rebuke across households "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" seemed reasonable and respectful. Color, class differences were not a thing I noticed because it was never pointed out. All this came to be known as Minnesota nice. My mom was a red headed sharp as a whip parent and my dad an Air Force Colonel, boundaries and discernment were a thing in our house. I moved to Montana after high school but my father who is 92, has watched in utter disbelief how ethnocentric prisms and Minnesota nice temperament has converged and been exploited there. Neighbors became unrecognizable when the pressures of GF, Covid and the surging immigration exposed deep differences no one realized were there.
I was raised to be a people pleaser.
HAS. NOT. SERVED. ME. WELL
I appreciate this take. I fundamentally don’t accept what’s not mine like an unsolicited offering. Critiques, feedback, non-physical attacks, and the like fall into this category.
"Talk softly, and carry a big stick." -- Teddy Roosevelt
One my oft-repeated truisms.. "don't confuse being a nice parent as being a good parent"
I know this comment is late...I just discovered you. This is a profoundly important topic with serious consequences in broader context. Take for example Minneapolis. I grew up there in the 70s when there were shared cultural norms, patriotism and common morality. It was calm, safe and neighborly. The most common rebuke across households "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" seemed reasonable and respectful. Color, class differences were not a thing I noticed because it was never pointed out. All this came to be known as Minnesota nice. My mom was a red headed sharp as a whip parent and my dad an Air Force Colonel, boundaries and discernment were a thing in our house. I moved to Montana after high school but my father who is 92, has watched in utter disbelief how ethnocentric prisms and Minnesota nice temperament has converged and been exploited there. Neighbors became unrecognizable when the pressures of GF, Covid and the surging immigration exposed deep differences no one realized were there.
Thank you for this comment. It's interesting how quickly things can change.