It’s Not Just a Pronoun

It’s Pride Month. Whether we like it or not, children are being inundated with rainbow flags and radical messages about gender and sexuality packaged as kindness, love, and acceptance.

Most people readily recognize the problems with explicit sexual content taught in classrooms or the medicalization of children. However, many of those same people view playing along with “preferred pronouns” as innocuous, failing to recognize that it serves as an entry point into a destructive ideology.

Telling young children that they can use any pronoun they want for themselves, and demand others to do the same, is a dangerous road to go down. As a seasoned mental health professional, let me explain why:

Choosing pronouns is an initiation ritual into an ideology that encourages dangerous and irreversible medical interventions.

If a child is praised for identifying as a different gender and going by a different pronoun or name from an early age, it’s more difficult to reverse course as the child gets older and deeper into the ideology. The stakes get higher.

Alternative pronouns teach children to reject who they are and seek attention for being something they aren’t.

This is a harmful message to all young people during an impressionable time while they are forming their sense of self. It’s also the exact opposite of what traditional feminists have been trying to teach little girls for decades, to love and embrace themselves as girls.

Insisting on alternative pronouns is the first step in dividing children from their families.

Families who don’t agree, or who simply have questions, often get torn apart over this ideology. When children are divided from their most important support system, their family, they end up instead aligned with outside adults, including teachers and therapists who can never care about them in the same way.

Even families who initially agree with the premise of different gender identities later learn that their children are being groomed to view their own family as an enemy.

On the Substack PITT, a mom published an essay titled “How it Started, How Gender Ideology has Ruined our Right to a Family Life.” She wrote, “Don’t get me wrong, it started off fun and interesting. Pride marches, badges, posters, music, and flags. So many flags! … Then the lockdown happened. I started intensely researching and I, a lifelong, radical, alternative woman and feminist did not like what I was learning. … I am not denying anyone’s existence, we are still loving supportive parents, but I regret not realizing sooner what was going on. … It became clear, despite all the support and information and discussions, that things were not improving, and we compromised and permitted them to use their new names at school.”

Changing pronouns prevents children from forming authentic social connections.

The pronoun issue also contributes to social anxiety. With peers frequently changing identities, children are pressured to join in and end up feeling locked into an impulsive choice. If they are pretending to be something they aren’t just to fit in or get attention, children cannot form healthy relationships. Pronoun policing then further increases the social pressure and sense of division.

Unchecked self-identification legitimizes the idea that anyone can enter private, vulnerable spaces.

At best, allowing people to arbitrarily choose gender puts girls in the uncomfortable position of sharing their private spaces with people who wouldn’t otherwise be present. At worst, this is an open opportunity for predatory boys and men to take advantage of vulnerable girls. Unfortunately, the worst case scenario has indeed happened. The highly publicized 2021 case in Loudoun County, Virginia, in which a high school boy who identified as a girl raped two girls in school bathrooms, is one such example.

Choosing new pronouns provides an incredible sense of power, but it’s a recipe for narcissism.

It sends the message that the world revolves around them, that their perspective is more important than everyone else’s, and they have a right to wield power over whomever they choose. This is especially enticing for a child with a trauma history who already feels powerless, but it’s not healthy for a floundering teen in need of guidance and structure.

The notion of gender fluidity divorces children from reality.

If a child can choose an obviously “wrong” gender, what reality do they have to accept? “Neopronouns” (or made-up words) are becoming more popular among young people and are blurring the lines between imagination and reality. CNN validated neopronouns in an article dated August 12, 2023, titled “A guide to neopronouns, from ae to ze.” The article highlighted how some neopronouns, such as “xe” and “em,” actually date back several centuries, introduced by writers to refer to subjects without referring to gender. However, the modern phenomenon includes neopronouns like “frog/frog-self,” “peach/peach-self,” “ghost/ghost-self,” and other whimsical identities, which are taken seriously in certain circles.

This practice is also harmful to the small percentage of children who struggle with genuine gender distress.

Many of these children have a history of sexual or other trauma and need help. If large numbers of children are using alternative pronouns for fun or to wield power, how can we identify who needs attention and support?

Throwing up your hands and saying “it’s just a pronoun” overlooks how chaotic and confusing it is for children to grow up in a world where reality seems to change by the day. As preferred pronouns become normalized, children face increasing pressure from teachers, peers, and institutions to adopt new beliefs about identity and gender. Friendships and families are divided, girls are often expected to suppress their discomfort in private spaces, and vulnerable young people can be set on a path that leads to lifelong medicalization.

This isn’t some nitpick about modern slang or declining grammatical standards. As George Orwell said, “There is no swifter route to the corruption of thought than through the corruption of language.”

Children need structure, and they look to adults to provide that for them. Encourage your children to stand up to the pronoun pressure and teach them to say “No.”