My stepson (I married his mom when he was13 & formally adopted him at mother & grandmother told him that his birth father & his family were never interested in him, despite living within 25 miles of where he grew up.
Then he found out (accidentally because my stepson did a change of address for sophomore year of college) that his birth father was trash, but that his bio-grandmother had sent him letters, gifts & birthday cards, etc since age 2.
He confronted my wife & mother-in-law...they were furious at my stepson because he dared to feel angry & betrayed because they destroyed his mail & lied to him for decades, just because his birth father was an asshole. They were also mad at me when I took my son's side...
He now knows his grandmother on that side & found out he also has a sister & nephews he never knew about.
My son has reconciled with his mom, but the betrayal was really hard on him for years.
I hope your reconciliation was beneficial for you & your newly found extended family.
Better late than never! But indeed, women have always controlled access to fathers.
I can relate.
I grew up with a man called dad who was not my biological father.
I should be raging angry at my mother. It isn't even the case that my real father ran off or didn't want to be married to her. On the contrary. So why did she marry someone else while carrying another man's child?
She couldn't explain it. Or the explanations vary.
At one point it was due to a lack of confidence. My 'dad' was chasing her, so she told him she was pregnant and he took her on anyway.
My true paternity was confirmed by a DNA test a few months before my real father died.
I did meet him. His first words to me: WHY DIDN"T SHE TELL ME?
I could go on and on with the 'what ifs.' But that isn't the way it went.
Whatever peace and grace there is I hope you get a full measure. I understand timing the revelation of a difficult truth. But denial of it is always toxic.
As they say "the truth shall set you free."
My stepson (I married his mom when he was13 & formally adopted him at mother & grandmother told him that his birth father & his family were never interested in him, despite living within 25 miles of where he grew up.
Then he found out (accidentally because my stepson did a change of address for sophomore year of college) that his birth father was trash, but that his bio-grandmother had sent him letters, gifts & birthday cards, etc since age 2.
He confronted my wife & mother-in-law...they were furious at my stepson because he dared to feel angry & betrayed because they destroyed his mail & lied to him for decades, just because his birth father was an asshole. They were also mad at me when I took my son's side...
He now knows his grandmother on that side & found out he also has a sister & nephews he never knew about.
My son has reconciled with his mom, but the betrayal was really hard on him for years.
I hope your reconciliation was beneficial for you & your newly found extended family.
Moving forward is the best path. The past can't be changed nor understood at times. What you can control is how you move forward.
We are all perfectly imperfect. Use your remaining time moving forward.
So...how did meeting your biological father go?
Better late than never! But indeed, women have always controlled access to fathers.
I can relate.
I grew up with a man called dad who was not my biological father.
I should be raging angry at my mother. It isn't even the case that my real father ran off or didn't want to be married to her. On the contrary. So why did she marry someone else while carrying another man's child?
She couldn't explain it. Or the explanations vary.
At one point it was due to a lack of confidence. My 'dad' was chasing her, so she told him she was pregnant and he took her on anyway.
My true paternity was confirmed by a DNA test a few months before my real father died.
I did meet him. His first words to me: WHY DIDN"T SHE TELL ME?
I could go on and on with the 'what ifs.' But that isn't the way it went.
Whatever peace and grace there is I hope you get a full measure. I understand timing the revelation of a difficult truth. But denial of it is always toxic.
That's tough. I expect your mom has some explaining to do